Days Without Social Media
Lauren Newton
JOUR 220-01
Professor Coddington
September 11, 2020
Days Without Social Media Essay
As a Gen Z-er who downloaded Instagram and Snapchat at the dawn of their existence and at the onset of my young adulthood, I have always used social media as second nature. Since entering college, I’ve undervalued how present and intertwined these apps are in my life: I’ve believed my Instagram usage is normal when compared to how frequently I used it as a middle schooler. I’ve believed my Snapchat usage is minimal compared to many people around me. I’ve believed my Facebook usage is basic compared to that of my extended family. However, because I was so young when the age of social media began its transformative sweep, I’ve neglected to compare my usage to a time when there was no social media at all. A time not so distant in the past, a time I briefly experienced in my two days without it.
Upon reflecting on my Instagram use today, I realized that I use the app for far different reasons than I did before college. I thought back to middle and high school when my primary purpose of scrolling through Instagram was to obsess, compare, and gossip. My entire feed was friends, mutual friends, and those I didn’t know at all but found their lives captivating (let’s call them my ‘stalkees’). I recalled a time in sixth grade where I thought to myself, Lauren, you have a problem, after noticing I refreshed my feed every two minutes and began sweating if I hadn’t. When I thought of my feed today, I felt as if I didn't see photos of friends or stalkees at all. Instead, I saw memes, politics, brands, and movements. Clearly, a large part of this shift is who I choose to follow. However, I realized that those friends, mutual friends, and stalkees are still there in my feed; I simply don’t place the same value on their content as I once did. My mind has adapted and, hopefully, matured to the point where I don’t need or care to know what the stalkees are up to. I don’t grow envious of their clothes, posts, or lives like I once did; instead, I scroll right past them to get to the memes. It was comforting to discover that the twelve-year-old girl who needed to know desperately what her stalkees had for an afternoon snack is no longer there; she was replaced by the twenty-one-year-old who uses Instagram to read the news and to have something to do when bored.
Before beginning the two days without social media, I assumed my biggest challenge would be figuring out how to fill my free time and satisfy my boredom: those minutes in between classes, the breaks during homework, the time before bed. While I did find those times to be especially difficult, I realized I’ve become accustomed to using social media during time that’s not free at all. I was shocked to discover how I feel the need to multitask by mindlessly scrolling, regardless of boredom or spare time. I felt Instagram’s absence the most when walking through a crowded campus alone. I felt a confusing and, quite frankly, embarrassing level of vulnerability passing classmates without using my phone. I realized mindless scrolling serves as a shield, protecting against true interactions. There was something about being fully present while others were engaged in their phones that made me feel quite awkward and lonely. If I’m on my phone, it looks like I’m talking to my trillions of friends, and that I am just so popular that I don’t have the time to put it down! Though I knew the random classmates passing weren’t actually thinking twice about me on my stroll, their imaginary thoughts kept nagging: I’m on my phone talking to all of my friends, does she not have any? This concept is laughably illogical and I was fully aware of that, yet the discomfort persisted. I realized I struggle with being alone in the presence of others, and my phone keeps me tied to friends -- or at least gives me the appearance of having friends!
Though to a lesser extent, I found that I feel that same urge to scroll through my phone when around friends. I was surprised how often my fingers instinctively opened Instagram to mindlessly scroll when I was fully engaged in conversation. Again, I found myself wanting to use my phone because I was feeling vulnerable and awkward without it. This was especially true when my friends were all on their phones: I realized the amount that I use and need my phone changes based on how often those around me use theirs. Although I’m sure my friends are scrolling as mindlessly as I would be, whenever they’re on their phones and I’m not, I feel like I’m missing something.
After realizing how short my attention span is even in conversation with friends, it wasn’t surprising to find that I desperately needed the distraction of social media to break up my homework. I check my phone constantly in between work, even just to look at the home screen to see what notifications I’ve missed. More often than not, I haven’t missed much in the few minutes since I last checked. But, I’ve internalized this idea that I will miss something huge and timely if I don’t have my phone with me. I’ll realize I’ve been reading for an hour without a phone break, congratulate myself, and attempt to continue working. Then, a tiny idea manifests that I missed something important. My logic fights with this feeling as I tell myself, if something was that important, they could have called you. In the end, logic loses because the conversation with myself distracts me for longer than checking my phone would have. I look at my phone, see nothing there, and can begin to work again until I feel that idea emerging once again. Though I am aware of how absurd the idea is in theory, I cannot break the habit and the fear of missing out. It’s not that I need social media and my texts to brighten my day, it’s that I think the one hour I put it down, the world will burn down around me and I won’t have a clue. It’s when I know I shouldn’t be on my phone that I feel I’m missing the most.
Before the days without social media, I knew a strange adjustment would be my nighttime routine. I’ve always had trouble falling asleep and have incorporated extensive and mindless social media scrolling to the routine as a necessity. Though I’m sure it has the opposite effect, I’ve convinced myself that using my phone is necessary to winding down before bed. I scroll through almost my whole Instagram feed, check Snapchat stories, group Snapchats, and depending on how restless I am, Facebook, and TikTok. I think that checking all of the platforms gives me peace of mind when falling asleep: there’s nothing I’ve missed, nothing urgent happening of which I’m unaware, I know what my friends and family have been doing. Again, that illogical, subconscious fear that something is happening of which I’m unaware persists. On the two nights without social media, I found myself lying awake in bed feeling that my day was incomplete and that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep without it.
Even after learning of the odd habits and mental dilemmas I’ve formed because of social media, I still feel that I don’t use or rely on it as heavily as those around me. Though I need my phone to feel connected, text messages are more than sufficient. I didn’t miss the content of Instagram during the day, just the idea of it in between classes or walking through campus. I mostly missed having something to occupy myself with, but that subsided once I realized my fingers could get the same satisfaction from mindlessly scrolling through the news or through my camera roll. My largest takeaways from the days without social media are that I need to be more comfortable being present around others and that I shouldn’t hop to my phone anytime I feel a lol or a sense of discomfort. In the past week, I’ve been trying to walk through campus detached from my phone. I’ve been trying to become aware of when I reach for it and why I reach for it because understanding the logic behind my habit has taught me the pointlessness of the habit altogether.
