Running into your Best Friend at the Gym (Revised)
Running into your Best Friend at the Gym (Revision)
W&L Creative Writing
2019
Sweat weeps
between us
in a stirring room.
I meant to do
nothing
but sit with you.
I meant to be mad
or upset or something
at you.
Something should have
at least gone wrong.
Nothing did.
I meant to keep your hair dry
before bed
and call
until your phone’s dead.
But one day I just stopped.
I meant to make that
day just one day.
But I didn’t.
And the next day I said
tomorrow I’ll dry your hair.
I knew you could never
do it on your own.
But I didn’t.
I meant to tell you
that my jewelry feels
cold
and my water is
dirty
and my art is
unworthy.
Because you’re the
only one who can
fix it.
I meant to never go
to the gym.
But today I went,
even though we swore we never would.
But you went today, too.
Why were you there?
I meant to make
a joke
about it.
But I just said
how are you!
And your smile
was curved
and too tight.
I meant to smile
like that time
you called me
when my dog died
and it was okay
again.
But I didn’t.
And we both jogged.
In this revision, my biggest goal was to make the situation more clear while maintaining some of the confusion and curiosity that the class enjoyed. I added the swecond stanza to clarify that this poem is simply about growing apart; I think the fact that people grow apart for no reason is more compelling and upsetting than when people do because something went wrong in the relationship. The class agreed the poem would be more powerful if it was shorter, so I took out the stanzas that were weakest and seemed to stick out because the structure was different. I debated clarifying the ‘phone dead, hair dry’ stanza and tried out a few different versions, but overall, the class said that they were intrigued by the vagueness so I left it. I took out the last line, “I meant to sit,” because it didn’t have the effect that I had hoped (tying the ending back to the beginning). I also switched some wordings and line breaks to make it flow better.
